It Only Takes a Moment...

...to ruin someone's day.

This day went downhill from the start. If it was possible to have a do-over, I would've cashed in that chip. I made the mistake of taking a nap yesterday evening, even though i knew it was too late to rest, and ended up sleeping for two hours. Needless to say, when bedtime came around, I was wide awake--and remained so until after 1:30 this morning. In turn, I slept through my alarm clock and woke up to my husband shaking me, saying, "Aren't you supposed to be with the ladies?" (We have a women's ministries M-F walking group that meets at 7am) So, one embarrassing and apologetic phone message later, my day was off to a start.

I haven't seemed to have learned my lesson to schedule my conference calls later in the day since they tend to throw my entire day off track. I'm human--it's hard to not take things personally, and even more so, when I work my tush off to try to make a particular situation work out. Today...was pretty much the cherry on top for my patience level. I tamed my tongue and didn't say what I was thinking (shock of all shocks if you know me), and was very thankful that one of the others on the call stood up for me.

Now, don't get me wrong before I launch into this--I have no beef with ex-officers, their reasons for leaving are neither my business nor do I have a place to judge--your calling is between you and God. Many have gone on to do amazing things for the Kingdom with opportunities that they wouldn't have had otherwise, it's very interesting to see how God works in their lives. Anyway, I digress...

There was a comment made in this meeting that there are "people" (who were never actually identified) who have a problem with the role that I play. Now this isn't the first time that I've been knocked for working in the archaic vision of the "man's role" in an officer marriage. Here's the bottom line: My husband and I are not cookie-cutters to societal norms, but we are a perfect match. Our gifts compliment each other. Where I fall short, he has a strength, and vice versa. My strengths happen to lie in the business/administration area--i find great joy and satisfaction in this area of ministry, and my husband is extremely gifted in the pastoral and program area. It not only hit me like a punch in the face to hear this comment, but that it came from the particular individual that made this comment.

I praise God that I was smart enough to not say anything right away while my mind was reeling, and that another gentleman piped up and in a very politically correct way (I was truly impressed--learned a lot from his words), tell this individual that the Army is a very different place now than when this person was an officer (like before my parents were born, no joke) and that it is not uncommon for a female to take on this administrative leadership and that clearly this was where I fit well.

I was then given a chance to add, and all I simply added to the conversation (in a nice way, not the way I was hearing it in my head) that if this individual took the time to actually spend around us at the corps and in the community (instead of judging from their small vantage point), that this person would be able to see the reality that I am really just the support system--the background person if you will, that it is my husband that really takes charge and gets things done. The best way that I've found to phrase it is that he's the visionary, and I'm the one that lines up the ducks to help make it happen.

Anyway, it may seem like a trivial thing, but I seem to see more and more people in and out of "Army Life" that have a lot of disrespect for a woman officer--as a pastor in the pulpit and as a decision maker and strong business leader. It hurts. It's one of those things that I can't let roll off my back. It goes against the basic principles of our co-founders' view of a woman in ministry and, um, hello--it's 2010, not 1810. It's one of those things that just pushes my buttons. Some days I feel like I spend more time educating people on the diverse role of women in The Salvation Army than actually living out this role. I'm just tired of walking into a community meeting and the first question is "where is your husband today?" and then get treated like a delicate pastor's wife.

Anyway, I'm just complaining...but I've just been in a bad mood since this conversation this morning. My productivity level hit rock bottom, I barely accomplished anything because I couldn't focus. I finally stopped all work at one point and just sat with the devotional book that I keep on my desk and was comforted by a passage in Luke about faith and Joyce Meyer's thoughts on the verses. My anger has since melted away, but I'm just "blech"...I don't feel that I should have to always defend myself. It feels like I am my own hindrance in moving forward in some areas because of the sheer fact that I work where my gifts lie--which is TOTALLY contrary to scripture.

I think of the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 12 that say, "Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal. For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit; To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues: But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will." (1 Cor 12:4-11 KJV)

This chapter continues in that God gifts us all in different ways, and as the complete body of Christ we each come together as a part of the body to impact the world for Christ. Then comes scripture that even non-Christians lean on, the love chapter (1 Cor 13:13 NIV)..."And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." And it doesn't matter about me (even when i think it does), God will show others in His time the truth of it all--and my job in the meantime is to trust in Him, know through faith that He will work in all things, and that my responsibility is to love--still love those even when in our humanness we don't want to love them at a particular moment.

Tonight I'm working on loving those that I don't want to love right now. No one ever said walking with God was pretty...but eternity is a long time to be wrong.

PS: Congratulations to our friends, corps officers in Haines, Alaska, on the birth of their absolutely gorgeous daughter!!! (And you so can't say that about all newborns!)