My Fairy Tale

Now, those that know me can testify that when it comes to stereotypes of the typical woman, I'm rather Jekyll/Hyde on the matter. I am very much a women-can-do-the-same-thing-as-men-and-we-do-it-in-heels uber feminist that likes to camp, get dirty, and the like--but I am also the epitome of the girly-girl who likes sappy chick flicks, getting dressed up, favorite color is pink (like you couldn't tell), and cry at the drop of a hat.

I love the fairy tale ending--the guy gets the girl and they live happily every after. I always dreamed that my life would be have that fairy tale, and the cool part--it does!

My dating life was, shall we say, interesting. Several long distance relationships, sleazebags, a few "Christian" guys, and there's the ones that I find out years later are gay (yeah, we're not going there...). There was a point in my life when I had heard (but not listened) to God's call to officership that I knew I would not be a single officer. It's one of those things that I just "knew"--can't really put it in words, it was just the way it was. I interpreted that to mean that I would be married before training college. So, I set out to meet a Christian guy that was called to officership. Such a disaster...pretty funny stories for another day.

I wanted so badly to follow in God's will through my calling, and just didn't understand that if God called me to a specific purpose, then He would fulfill the needs that had to be in order to make it happen. I was engaged to another man, someone that I had brought to the Army and he enrolled as a soldier--and was called to ministry, just not officership. So, we started down the path and it disintegrated before it started. It was not a good match, but we were determined it would work because this had to be part of God's plan. (I never deny that I've had my delusional moments in life) As we went on, it just got bad--and things ended badly.

I was crushed. At that point I was so frustrated in trying to get the details in place, that I had lost focus of God's will. When that clicked, I had to give in--it was time to pursue the end result and let the chips fall. So, I rushed to the end of the application process and was accepted to the college for officer training a year before I had expected to attend. Little did I know, that was part of the plan.

Once at CFOT, I resigned myself to the fact that I was single, and would likely be that way for awhile. I tried to become okay with that, and it never 100% settled in me, but it did to the point where I could accept it...I read books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and other books on Christian courtship, etc. I had convinced myself that while at CFOT there was no chance that I would meet someone.

Well, I started to lighten up--and actually was trying to be flirty and show my interest in another individual when my hubby came on the scene. My husband and I were sessionmates, hung out with the same people, and were pretty good friends. People think we joke when we say it was a disaster that brought us together.

Our second year in training college, the cadets were deployed on disaster services during fires in SoCal and we were on the same team that went to San Bernadino. I was having issues with another person on our team, so I made my hubby swear that he wouldn't ever let me be alone with this individual while we were gone. We rode in the same vehicle, spent a lot of time working together, etc while we were gone.

When we returned to the training college, he called me and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies and dinner...well in the way that he asked me, it sounded to me like our other friends would be coming along too. Then in the end when I met him at the van, it was just him. Okay, sure...dense me was thinking nothing at this point. We had dinner at a diner and joked around and saw a movie, something I would not have chosen--i kept jumping at the gunshots and such, and he would lean over and ask me if I was okay. Afterwards, we were driving around and ended up at the pier in Long Beach walking around for hours talking because we didn't want to go back to CFOT (CFOT was not a positive experience for either of us--another story for another day). Randomly in conversation, he would make comments like, "you smell really good." or "I like your perfume." Being dense, I didn't think anything of it. Even at the point where we were standing inches apart talking and a slight breeze would've made our lips touch, it still didn't occur to me what was happening.

The next day we had decided to spend the majority of the day in the library to finish our mandatory study time (again, long story). It was only us in the library that day, and we didn't do a lick of homework. We messed around on the internet and joking around and just being loud--good thing the librarians liked us. Somehow in conversation we decided that we were hungry and decided to drive around Redondo beach looking for a good restaurant. We ended up at this little Thai place and then walked around Redondo Pier and Harbor. At one point we stopped at the end of the marina where people's personal boats were and we just stared out straight ahead at the boats, leaning on the railing. And the conversation went like this:

*Awkward Pause*
Hubby: So...are we dating?
*Awkward Pause*
Me: Um...I don't know. What do you think?
*Awkward Pause*
Hubby: Well, I think we should.
*Awkward Pause*
Me: Okay then, it's settled.
*THE LONGEST 30 SECONDS EVER!*
Hubby: *Puts arm around me and comes close, turns my face towards him, and gives me the kiss to beat all other kisses, and leans his forehead against mine, whispering:* I Love You.

Completely blindsided, I can revisit this conversation and kiss in my mind with perfect clarity and the soundtrack to accompany it. Talk about the fairy-tale ending, who whudda thunk it? Out of anything in life that I could have anticipated, this was not it--and that's why God's working in life is so amazing!

I had submitted myself to His will, not sure how the details would fall into place, and God showed me that the details didn't matter--He would work it out.

And 15 months from that conversation, we were married in the chapel at the training college with many of our sessionmates, family, and friends present. We celebrated our first anniversary in January 2010--and decided that if we could survive this last year, we can survive anything together (we faced more than many face in a lifetime last year). We can't imagine our lives any different than they are now--talk about a tailor-made match from God, we are the perfect pair. I love my husband more and more everyday. As it says in Song of Solomon (gasp!) 2:16a, "My lover is mine and I am his." No greater words ever written.

Now that is a fairy tale for the ages!



(Inspired by seeing the new movie, "Letters to Juliet," last night. Awesome movie)

What a Year, Baby!

"To God be the glory, great things he hath done! So loved he the world that he gave us his Son, who yielded his life an atonement for sin, and opened the lifegate that all may go in. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, let the earth hear his voice! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, let the people rejoice! O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son, and give him the glory, great things he hath done!" -Fanny Crosby (Verse 1, Refrain)

It was late April last year when we received "the call." Not our calling, but "the call"--the one where the divisional commander says, "pack your bags, you're on the move!" We knew we would be moving last year, but we did not expect to move early. I can honestly say that it was only the second time in my life that I dropped to my knees sobbing in joy over a phone call. (The first was hearing of my acceptance to the college for officer training) Now today, one year to the day, we celebrate our anniversary of our first day as the corps officers in this appointment.

"O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood, to every believer the promise of God; the vilest offender who truly believes, that moment from Jesus a pardon receives." -Fanny Crosby (Verse 2)

We give God the glory for the work that has been accomplished over the last year, because we fully recognize that nothing has been done in our own strength. We celebrate just a few of our successes with much thanks to those that have helped us immensely along the way:

-Establishment of a vision for the future (our current building will someday be the parking lot!!!)
-Implementation of a teaching plan to increase spiritual maturity--and seeing the fruit in our congregation!
-Equipping saints as we are soon to enroll new soldiers!
-Increased thrift store sales (double!), started large item pick-ups, and purchased a box truck for thrift store
-Current on outstanding bills and still have money in the bank
-Increased awareness of The Salvation Army's mission in our community and a stronger bridge between social services and awareness of spiritual programs
-The ability to set goals and look forward to the future of The Salvation Army's ministry here with great joy!

"Great things he hath taught us, great things he hath done, and great our rejoicing thru Jesus the Son; but purer, and higher, and greater will be our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see." -Fanny Crosby (Verse 3)

This year has also been a time of great healing and learning in my personal walk with Christ. I haven't admitted this openly to many, but I was pretty much broken and destroyed in previous circumstances. I didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning and would cry as I was driving to where I needed to be because I was truly useless in what I was tasked to do. I was so angry with God because I knew in my heart of hearts that this was not His plans (don't get me wrong though--there were still things accomplished for the Kingdom in that brokenness and I tried very hard to keep my feelings to myself to not spread the disease of my negativity around to others). And these are a few of the things that I have learned on this hard journey:

-It's not about me. (Ouch!)
-I am God's child, a part of His beautiful creation, even when I feel like the ugly duckling of the bunch
-We can impact other people positively even when working according to God's plan for us is hindered by others
-God heals...in His time
-God takes away the pain of our hurts, but will not allow us to forget them because of the lessons that come out of it
-There are many things worth fighting for, some aren't worth the effort, but the ones that are worth it, you need to fight with all your might
-Great deep-down, soul-filling peace and joy are found in using the gifts that God has blessed me with
-Don't allow the past and my perception of the past to dictate how I feel today. It's a new day for God to do a great work within me!

And the most important thing that I have learned...

...there's still so much more to learn!!! It's a daily, minute-by-minute effort, and there is something new around every corner

I am so thankful to be in such a beautiful place, surrounded by loving and hard-working people, and for all of the blessings in my life--but I always have to remind myself: It's not the place, people, or our station in life that determine our happiness, but rather the condition of our heart and our walk with God. May I always be reminded of that fact when I get wrapped up in the dealings of the world!

People Watching

Well...it might not be classified as people watching if the people come to you.

In our ministry, we have a variety of people that step over the threshold of our doors. Some are milking the system, and others are genuinely in need of a helping hand--and those are the people that we get out of bed every morning for (and the others too, because they need Jesus just as much!). Today was one of those days where, for the 9,854,234,230,456 time I was reminded that people are not always what they seem.

Some officers stick to their specific schedule and refuse to bend on their appointment times, meeting with people, etc. We try to keep a schedule--more for our sanity and protecting ourselves from burnout--but we are pretty flexible too, and always try to work with our clients to be there for them when they need us (we are not above staying late or coming early if someone needs assistance and can't get away from their job to come during our business hours). This morning was one of those cases. I found that I was spending all of my time seeing clients on a walk-in basis that I wasn't getting anything else done, so I started to designate certain days and times for assistance (our volunteers run our food pantry, but I provide vouchers to the thrift store and utility assistance). This morning I had someone come in without an appointment while I was running errands and insist on waiting until I got there. When I walked in, I looked at this couple and made some assumptions, and was very firm in my initial conversation with them. As I worked with them a bit further, I found out more of their situation and immediately felt like an idiot for my initial judgment of them, and felt like the assistance that I was authorized to provide them was not enough, so I worked with my contacts at the utility company to give them even further assistance. They were grateful and I was humbled.

Later in the day came my few hours of scheduled appointments, and a whole other perspective. Some clients come prepared to their appointments with everything they were told to bring, and others spend five minutes digging through papers to find their paperwork. People have very interesting filing systems (I'm one to talk, my desk looks like a paper mill explosion at the current time). Regardless of preparedness, the clients knew from the get-go what they needed to be deemed eligible for utility assistance and were ready to work with me--some received what they expected, and others sat there and sobbed because they didn't expect what little we could do (and in turn, I sit there and cry with them...I pray I never lose that tender heart).

Then there were those unexpected client events of the day. We recently started a new application process for our social services because we were not gathering the proper (or enough) information on our clients to report to the USDA and meet our national social service standards. We also added some questions to our new applications to help us in bridging that gap between social services and our corps ministry. It is now common practice for our volunteers to grab myself or my husband to pray with a client or provide them information on our programs and worship. My husband was summoned downstairs (our office is a loft above our social services) to pray with a client, and got to learn some more about this individual and her current situation. It's so interesting to learn about people and their faith walk in crisis. This woman had a tumor the size of a basketball removed from her stomach and was seeking prayer for continued healing and also for praise because yesterday she found out that the tumor wasn't cancer! (I share this as she seeks the prayers of those that will pray for her in her recovery) After going through what she has gone through, you could expect someone who was seeking sympathy and possibly even bitter over the events of her life...but instead she was so grateful for life and the assistance that she sought to make it by until she could return to work next month.

People fascinate me. They exceed or fall short of our expectations, but it's always a surprise. It is my daily prayer that my own biases do not stand in the way of me serving others and allowing them to see Christ through me. The people that come through our paths teach us daily, some serve as reminders of the way we need to love others as God loves them, and others are a reminder that sometimes loving others means to work alongside them in confronting those stumbling blocks that they have allowed to take residence in their path.

Many times in working with people, I find that they teach me in far greater ways than the assistance that I can provide benefits their current situation. My "life verse" (I've never liked that term) is Psalm 86:11 that says, "Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." This is a constant, ever changing prayer in my life. Some days it's "teach me, Lord," and other days it is "give me an undivided heart because my brain likes to get in the way." More than anything, this verse stands as a reminder in my life that it is always necessary to be teachable. I don't always want or think that I need the lesson that's put in front of me, but I know that in it all, it is God fulfilling His promise from scripture to continually teach me--to grow closer to Him, serve Him, and bring others closer to Him.

So my prayer today, as it is many days, is this:

Lord, thank you for the people that you put in my path. I'm sorry for not taking the time to always love those that You have created in Your image, and ask that today you continue to soften my heart and continue to bring those people that you have tasked (whether they know it or not) to bring me closer to You and to be a better servant of You. Amen.

GOD2UIO

This was a license place that we passed on the way home from our divisional women's ministry retreat. It was on a fancy, new sports car...immediately sent me into judgemental thoughts of prosperity gospel teaching. Perhaps it would have been more effective on a humble sedan. Granted, I didn't know the owner of the car and perhaps they have an amazing testimony, but that outward appearance soured my view of this proclamation of God's work. I'm sure there's a sermon in there somewhere...

The women's ministry retreat was an absolutely wonderful weekend--it is definitely one of my favorite events that take place over the "Army Year." I had three ladies from the corps join me--and a great time was had by all. We definitely got some bonding in together as a group that we may not have had in the minutia of daily life (and I'm sure the 7-hour drive to and from had nothing to do with it). My mom also joined us as a delegate from our corps, she's worked at DHQ for 7 years and this is her first women's retreat. It was an incredible blessing to share the weekend with her as well. I got to see my dad for just a little while as there was a Silver Star Fellowship Breakfast (SSF is a really cool recognition and support fellowship for parents of officers), and I was asked to briefly speak on behalf of the officers to thank our parents for their love and support...I think finding a way to truly encompass words of thanks to parents is far more difficult than preparing a sermon. That was definitely a privilege for me!

Yesterday was getting back to life after a weekend away...it's always hard to face that "day after syndrome" from attending a spectacular event. As always, God had some great things to show me this weekend. The theme for the weekend was "God's Glamour Girls"...definitely much food for thought as I am a person who does not often find ways to love who I am, so I try to make up for it by taking the love I have and investing it in others. So much to learn...

I really missed my husband this weekend. Neither of us are much for talking on the phone, except when we were dating, so it was long three days without him. He's been so wonderful since I got home too...even though it was late on Sunday when I got home, he still had a full dinner cooked for us, and then today he ran things at the corps so I could work from home and try to relax a little. I have been in excruciating pain the last couple days in my shoulder blade. I need to get to the doctor and have it looked at again. It started to bug me at Christmas time, and the doctor attributed it to increased driving and prescribed medical massage therapy that I went through for several months, but it doesn't seem to loosen up the pain in the muscle anymore. I think it may be more involved than that--it may have gotten messed up from our car accident last February or from falling off an ATV last summer (yeah, great trend huh?). Not looking forward to what this could be now...such a hassle.

Busy rest of the week ahead--lots to do in the office tomorrow and then I have a meeting in Albuquerque (3-hour drive each way for a 3-hour meeting) with the electric company regarding our assistance program on Thursday. Thursday is also the 1-year anniversary of us living here in Alamogordo--such an amazing year, we pray for several (okay, many) more! Friday night we're going to have a special date night to celebrate :-)

Been a bit discouraged this week from a few small slights that may or may not have been intentional, one I knew is not a fan of women officers as leaders, but the other I thought was a friend--I know there's a lot of not happy changes in this person's life right now, but it doesn't give them the right to pull the "holier than thou" card on me because they feel they are entitled to have their hand in everything. I may be reading too much into their comments in different places regarding me, but I don't appreciate the insinuation that I'm not good enough to do the things that I do. Way to help support my self esteem people...get over yourself, because I'm on the verge of telling one of these individuals exactly how wrong they are to judge me solely on the fact of my role in the corps and their bias against working with female officers, and it's probably not going to be in a pretty or Christ-like manner in any sense of the word. I'll be completely straight on this one--I am past the point of ticked because of judgements against me on my age, gender, and experience (again, I'm not an expert--and am willing to admit when I don't know something, but I do know what I'm doing regardless of their opinions)

Wow...I'm rather negative tonight, and definitely not attractive in my venting. Probably a good place to stop since I'm in a rotten mood from the get-go today with being in pain. Here's praying for a brighter day tomorrow...