Healthy Apple Crisp Recipe! YUM!

Hubby and I were looking for something new and different to do today that wouldn't be too hard on me...and so we decided to go apple picking as there was an article in the newspaper this weekend that all the orchards were opening. We picked Jonathans and Galas, about two dozen of them (9lbs). While we eat a lot of fruit, I wanted to find something different to do with them too--so I found a diabetic apple crisp recipe and altered it to make it lower fat too...tastes pretty darn good!

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

4 cups of apples, peeled and sliced (4 medium apples)
2 Tablespoons of flour*
2 Tablespoons of milled flax seed + 4 tablespoons water (optional**)
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
6 packets of Splenda***

Mix above ingredients in bowl and spread in 8-9" square pan (with a little non-stick spray was perfect)

1/2 cup oatmeal
1/4 cup margarine
1/2 cup flour*
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 teaspoon of baking soda
2 Tablespoons of milled flax seed + 4 tablespoons water (optional**)

Combine all ingredients and spread over the top of apple mixture.

Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Turn down to 325 degrees and bake another 15-20mins or until golden brown. Serve warm, store in fridge.

Cut into 9 servings= 119 calories, 6 grams of fat, 13 grams of carbs
Whole Pan= 1051.5 calories, 56.5 grams of fat, 119.1 grams of carbs

*Flour: We used a combination of 1/2 peanut flour and 1/2 all-purpose flour, nutritional value will be negligibly altered for using just all-purpose flour

**Flax seed: We used this for the nutritional value, does not affect taste. If you omit this ingredient, subtract 280 calories, 20g of fat, and 20g of carbs from the whole pan nutritional values

***Splenda: The original recipe called for 1/4 cup of sugar substitute, we don't like the sweetness of sugar substitutes, so we just used less. Calories and carbs will increase if you use more than the 6 packets of Splenda used above.

Memoirs & Secret Demons

I picked up a book from the bargain table when we were in Phoenix because I was intrigued by the title, and the small print mentioned that it was the memoirs of the author's experience during a particular time span in her life. Read the flaps, sounded pretty interesting and funny...so I figured I couldn't lose.

While the book was exceptionally written and an amazingly vivid depiction of a chapter in this woman's life, it hit far too close to home. It was absolutely hilarious at parts, because, well, sometimes the only way to deal with things in life is to make jokes.

While I found 90% of the book a great read, the other 10% took over my mind. Down to the author's first name, the book couldn't have been written any closer to many parts of my life unless I wrote it myself. In some ways, it was comforting that I'm not alone in those things that I fight with in my head--but it also made me very sad that she hasn't found the answer yet either--a way to break through the cycle that continually repeats itself in fighting her/my/our demons. As I closed in on the final chapters where the author fast-forwarded to present day, I was crushed that she isn't any closer than me in walking away from something so present in life that it is almost genetically patterned into who I am.

I wanted to lay there and weep as I finished the last sentence (but didn't as I didn't want to wake my husband and have to explain my blubbering). We all have demons in our lives...those secrets that we keep inside not so much because of shame we feel, but rather because of the disappointment that strikes in our hearts because we just can't claw our way out of it. Don't get me wrong here--I'm not talking sin, more along the line of bad habits.

Sometimes I find myself envious of how some people in similar positions wear their vices or bad habits as almost as a badge of honor--proclaiming to the world that "this is me and I'm messed up." For me it always comes down to the fear of judgment in why I don't shout my issues from the rooftops (and man, if you could get inside my head--there's sure more than one!)

I've recently embarked on yet another mission to evict these demons from my mind permanently. Knowing I can't do it alone through education and tangible change, there has to be a spiritual change that is going to make this work. I find it eerily interesting that this new ambition came on the eve of starting a new Bible study series that I am attending that in fact addresses these very spiritual barriers that hinder from freeing myself of the chains that hold me back from walking away from something that has been a part of my life for my entire life, and apparently it won't kill me--no really, scripture promises me this one in Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (NIV)

And so, the journey begins again. I don't really have anything to lose, other than a repeat of continually breaking my heart in disappointment...but I have everything to gain.

Once again, life's a wild ride!

A Bunch of Nothing

Not much to report today.

Extremely tired from the get-go today, barely made it through my 4 hours at the office and couldn't leave early because I had an assistance appointment scheduled with a client for right before I was planning to go home. Made it through the stacks of mail on my desk that has accumulated since we were gone and claimed success over it, only to realize when I picked up my briefcase to go home that the mailbag we use to empty our PO Box had gone untouched--and it was a full one today since this was the first day the post office was open since we've been home. I also tried to start an order for the food bank, only to realize I was six days too early to order for the next delivery--which was a complete waste of time, because they'll have an entirely different stock by Monday when I can order! (and that was a double bummer, because there were some pretty good stuff in commodities and free stuff that will be gone by the time I can reserve it, but when I called not realizing my faux paux, they said they're expecting to have even better stuff by next week so I'll have a bigger selection) UGH!

Came home, took a much needed nap, hubby went out on a furniture pick-up. He took pity on me and just brought home supper as I was planning to make stir fry tonight. Oh well, another day for the beef to marinade--I'll make it tomorrow night as tomorrow's my day off (and a new series starts at the women's Bible study I attend--yahoo!!! I've missed going!!!)

Found an awesome deal online for a new pair of sneakers...long overdue. These are silver and pink. LOVE IT! Can't wait the 2-7 business days for them to arrive. Went on a short walk with hubby...a little afraid to go by myself just yet. Not supposed to be taking long, strenuous walks yet (like ones that actually count as exercise)...but we wandered around the neighborhood for a slow, leisurely pace for about 20 minutes before I started feeling like I would start to get dizzy soon.

Now just chilling out, going to bed early! And...that was my exciting day. Don't you feel better for knowing about it?

Reclaiming Life

Today was my first day back at the corps in a month...it's so good to be back. I missed it so much--I missed the fellowship of our volunteers and corps members (good reason), the ministry of service (good reason), and my "work" regimen (bad reason). Over the last few weeks, my workaholic/type A tendencies have really come into perspective, and I've found that while I've made some small changes over the last few months, there's a lot more that I need to work on or I'll work myself into a nervous breakdown before I hit 40. Delegation is going to have to stop being a bad word...and I'm going to have to take the time to train people on some other tasks instead of just doing it myself.

In the four hours at the office (I'm only allowed short days right now, adding a little time every other day...no full days until the end of second week back) I was able to meet with some clients and just start to feel normal again. It was a phenomenal feeling to pull up my hair and put on my uniform this morning.

Came home and rested for a few hours, then I cooked dinner--another part of life missed, taking care of my responsibilities in our home. I went all out--Dijon, soy sauce, and rice vinegar marinated shake 'n baked chicken, salad, and steam broccoli, yellow squash, and carrots. We even sat at the table together! (As before we left for Phoenix, I was eating in bed) Leftover servings of chicken converted into a sandwich for hubby's lunch and a salad for part of my lunch tomorrow. Finished the dishes, and now back to chillin' out...I've had enough standing and sitting up for today.

My dizziness is definitely lessening as the new meds build up in my system...no fainting, yay! (only 26 more days until I can drive again!!!), back pain is manageable--just need to take it easy as it continues to heal.

I am rejoicing in the fact that life is my own again...that I am starting to feel like myself and getting back to the things that I love. God has been faithful to me through all of this, and I am so grateful for people with solutions to my issues and those that have carried my burdens when I was unable to. It's a humbling experience to have to rely on others down to the basic tasks of life, and I pray that I'm not often put in this position again in the future--and believe that I will have more understanding and compassion for those that I minister who are ill.

So, for those that actually take the time to read my brain dumpings--have a great night!

Books, Books, Never Enough!

***Note: 30-day challenge is clearly going to take more than 30 days. Going to use it when I'm at a loss for topics and want to write***

So, while we were in Phoenix, we had the opportunity to do a little paroozing through a Barnes and Noble (ah, a bookstore with choices!). Part of this was intentional to get more information as advised by one of the doctors I saw, and the rest was just because we could when having lots of time between appointments and it was 10 minutes away from the clinic.

We weren't quite intending on making an investment in books, but we did. We picked up:

• The 2010 Calorie King Calorie, Fat & Carbohydrate Counter (made by the same people as www.calorieking.com, an awesome resource. This is a nice purse-sized guide for anything and everything edible. We liked it because we usually end up going to the website after we eat out and realize a bad choice--now we can look beforehand. Perfect because I count calories and fat, and husband counts carbs for his diabetes. Used it this evening at Applebee's--saved husband from a 66g of carbs "under 550 calorie" meal and he was able to choose a more filling and lower carb meal)
• The Calorie King Food & Exercise Journal (My weight loss is doctor-supervised because I'm sooooo tired of weight watchers, etc, that just don't pan out in the long term for me, and I'm required to keep food logs. I think I have changed around my food log spreadsheet every single time I've visited her because I can't put together one that I like. This one is small enough that before I write it in it, I can copy a week's worth of pages and it will fit on the front and back of a standard sheet of copy paper since I'm too cheap to fork out $3.99 every ten weeks for a new one)
• The Mediterranean Heart Diet (Fisher; diet recommended by one of the Mayo Clinic docs--though, diet isn't the right word, as it's more eating for life)
• The Low GI Handbook (Dr. Jennie Brand-Miller, et all; This was a hard one to choose as Glycemic Index books by this group of authors are plentiful. We chose this one after looking at the while collection because not only does this book contain the book "The New Glucose Revolution" it has more recipes and examples that we can use. We may buy more of the supplementary books later if we like it--but glad we looked through many of them in person as several of them are encompassed in this one book as well--also recommended by Mayo Clinic doc)

These last two books look to be rather interesting and educational. We're not interested in fads or things that ultimately will not sustain/improve long term health. While eventual weight loss is my goal, and controlling his diabetes is my husband's, we don't want to be miserable in the process. This glycemic index stuff looks pretty interesting, as does the Mediterranean stuff (and seriously, getting to eat Mediterranean food--I'm all for it!). We didn't blow off the doctor's recommendations for these books as we initially thought we would, because once we sat down to decide if they were worth it, both are very adaptable to lifestyles and whatever eating plan you choose to ascribe to...they aren't just diet plans, but rather ways to make the foods you're eating work the best for you.

Lots of interesting reading ahead...I'm sure I'll let you know any great revelations that I find!