My brain hasn't checked in for service yet today, I've stared at the same email long enough for my stats input to time out and log off. Clearly I'm being productive.
Awesome Bible study yesterday...needed the message of encouragement and to encourage others. Nice monthly meeting with the other hospital chaplains. It was the 10th anniversary of the chaplaincy program, so the hospital provided us with a beautiful lunch! Then I was wiped, so I took residence on the couch to return emails and phone calls, and get a little bit of work done.
Today is slow moving, and I'm rather discombobulated from the random dizzy, but at least I'm taking it slower than the tortoise so no fainting (baby steps...). Still can't say I'm amused that all I've gotten done today is help my husband pour paint and build about 8 food boxes. Hopefully I get a surge of energy this afternoon to help him finish painting the chapel so that tomorrow he can just worry about stripping and sealing the floor in there...then buff/wax it Saturday morning and we'll have a brand spankin' new chapel! Next week's job is the corps kitchen so that we have it finished before the new food bank comes in for their inspection. So not looking forward to moving out three freezers, a fridge, and a stove to paint and do the floors!
Other than that, just waiting for the phone to ring in return to one of my bazillion messages to a neurologist to get a sooner-than-later appointment or my doctor saying that she has magically found what is wrong!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
No Words
In my last post, I wrote about my holy tantrums before God. I can't seem to even muster up a good whine right now.
Frustrated seems like such a futile word, I'm past discouraged at this moment. Over the couple weeks I have begun to have completely random bouts of dizziness and fainting. My doctor is at a complete loss as to the cause, or how to prevent it (and before the suggested diagnoses come out, every test my doctor can do has been run and all common causes have been ruled out). She is sending me to a neurologist for further testing, which is difficult to find apparently. I made over 30 phone calls yesterday and the earliest I can be seen within 2-hours driving distance of home would be the end of September. Yeah...my life can't wait that long. I have put in an appointment request at the Mayo Clinic in AZ and should hear back today, and depending on the wait time I may be starting to make calls to doctors in Phoenix and Albuquerque.
I'm not a good patient, I hate resting and taking things easy. I am beside myself annoyed with so much going on right now that I am working limited hours, working more at home, and limiting my driving in order to keep myself safe. My husband is being great and understanding, but he has quite a bit to get done right now too, in addition to compensating for my increased time at home. I love to read, and while I could read all day--there comes a point when enough is enough. There's only so much one can waste time on Facebook. And I work on my laptop at home, but I can only concentrate on the screen for a little while before I get dizzy, so I only get small tasks done at a time.
I don't even have the words to pray right now. I'm worried as to what this could be, I'm angry at all I'm not getting done, I'm frustrated that I feel like a fragile child having to be focused on my every move. There's no tears to cry, no screams to wail...just silence.
I know in the silence that God knows my heart, and that He's working in this situation--I truly believe He is, I just wish this wasn't one of those times where God is working and isn't clueing me in on the plan.
Sigh....
Frustrated seems like such a futile word, I'm past discouraged at this moment. Over the couple weeks I have begun to have completely random bouts of dizziness and fainting. My doctor is at a complete loss as to the cause, or how to prevent it (and before the suggested diagnoses come out, every test my doctor can do has been run and all common causes have been ruled out). She is sending me to a neurologist for further testing, which is difficult to find apparently. I made over 30 phone calls yesterday and the earliest I can be seen within 2-hours driving distance of home would be the end of September. Yeah...my life can't wait that long. I have put in an appointment request at the Mayo Clinic in AZ and should hear back today, and depending on the wait time I may be starting to make calls to doctors in Phoenix and Albuquerque.
I'm not a good patient, I hate resting and taking things easy. I am beside myself annoyed with so much going on right now that I am working limited hours, working more at home, and limiting my driving in order to keep myself safe. My husband is being great and understanding, but he has quite a bit to get done right now too, in addition to compensating for my increased time at home. I love to read, and while I could read all day--there comes a point when enough is enough. There's only so much one can waste time on Facebook. And I work on my laptop at home, but I can only concentrate on the screen for a little while before I get dizzy, so I only get small tasks done at a time.
I don't even have the words to pray right now. I'm worried as to what this could be, I'm angry at all I'm not getting done, I'm frustrated that I feel like a fragile child having to be focused on my every move. There's no tears to cry, no screams to wail...just silence.
I know in the silence that God knows my heart, and that He's working in this situation--I truly believe He is, I just wish this wasn't one of those times where God is working and isn't clueing me in on the plan.
Sigh....
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