I just finished a lesson in my Bible study homework this morning and came across an interesting thought. The author spoke of having "a respectable fit" before God when we encounter those hard situations that sock us in the gut in which we do not have the words or answers for.
A respectable fit?
Please...
Yes, God Almighty deserves reverence and the utmost of respect--but let's be honest here, those aren't the only attributes of God. He's also our father.
What father has never experienced the total, sprawled out on the floor, kicking and screaming tantrum of their two-year old?
Exactly.
Respectable fit...okay, perhaps in a public setting. But when it's just me and God, and I'm really wrestling with something--the tears, screams, and fists are flying. I find more comfort in my soul in having an outright tantrum before God than simply silent questioning.
Right or wrong...who knows?
But God still loves me anyway.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
The Lost Days of Letter Writing
In addition to completing my DHQ packet for the week, Monday's are also my day to write. I have recently started writing letters to a friend at least once a week (which is fun, because it's nice to look forward to mail--and I received one today, YAY!) and send out cards of prayers, encouragement, sympathy, thanks, etc. I write anywhere from 5-20 cards depending on what has happened over the last week to congregation members, clients, friends, and colleagues. I don't know about you, but I like getting mail. It's depressing when you go to the mailbox and the only things there are statements from your health insurance company, bills, and junk mail.
What happened to the time when writing was second nature...almost an expectation?
Okay, now I'm the first one to defend the ease and practicality of Facebook and email (mostly because of my irrational fear of talking on the phone)...but I guess that's where some of my upbringing in the quality of a nicely written note comes out, because there's just some messages that should not be expressed electronically--and a step further--public messages via electronic means. So birthdays, anniversaries, new baby greetings...sure, I can understand that. Public condolence messages...can't really wrap my head around that one yet.
I guess I look at it from my point of view. The internet is my escape, a source of entertainment, and a time to mindlessly pitter around. Do I want to open up my Facebook and see 15 notifications from people expressing their (heartfelt) emotions and point of view regarding the aspect of my life that I want to escape at that moment? And to play devil's advocate, are the messages expressed truly genuine, or the need to jump on the bandwagon because the 27 people before you have poured out their hearts? Hmm....
Some food for thought...just something that's irked me for a while. I can't say I'm not guilty of what I speak of...I've made this blunder more than once, but it's something that I try to be aware of what I'm doing. It's all about intentionality. Intentional Living. (Okay, so now I'm sound like a Focus on the Family ad)
What happened to the time when writing was second nature...almost an expectation?
Okay, now I'm the first one to defend the ease and practicality of Facebook and email (mostly because of my irrational fear of talking on the phone)...but I guess that's where some of my upbringing in the quality of a nicely written note comes out, because there's just some messages that should not be expressed electronically--and a step further--public messages via electronic means. So birthdays, anniversaries, new baby greetings...sure, I can understand that. Public condolence messages...can't really wrap my head around that one yet.
I guess I look at it from my point of view. The internet is my escape, a source of entertainment, and a time to mindlessly pitter around. Do I want to open up my Facebook and see 15 notifications from people expressing their (heartfelt) emotions and point of view regarding the aspect of my life that I want to escape at that moment? And to play devil's advocate, are the messages expressed truly genuine, or the need to jump on the bandwagon because the 27 people before you have poured out their hearts? Hmm....
Some food for thought...just something that's irked me for a while. I can't say I'm not guilty of what I speak of...I've made this blunder more than once, but it's something that I try to be aware of what I'm doing. It's all about intentionality. Intentional Living. (Okay, so now I'm sound like a Focus on the Family ad)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
A reflection on my 20-something years...
...as I precariously prepare for the mental crisis that will come on my 30th birthday next year.
My birthday was pretty good--nice day, took a nap, spent some time with my husband, and got to pick out my present and spend money on what I often consider a needless waste of time, but have found its place in the world as I less often get quoted at being 18. (This is makeup we're talking about here) It's rather disconcerting that I wear makeup to appear more put together, thus "older" and I also use anti-aging eye cream to ride the black circles under my eyes to look more energetic, thus "younger."
Next month is my ten-year high school reunion. Needless to say, hubby and I will not be attending. While high school was the best and worst times of my existence, I have little desire to spend the money on overpriced tickets, drive 7-hours, pay hotel, make small talk with a room of people under the influence, waste furlough time, and remind myself of the worst parts of high school. I'll stick with remembering the good parts. Band.
If you had asked me as a high school sophomore what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say that I upon my retirement from the Blue Devils (a competitive drum and bugle corps for those not as well versed), I would be a high school band director.
Yeah...
Let's just say NOTHING that I ever imagined for my life to be has come to fruition EXCEPT for the fact that it's perfect. Not in the no stress, no worries, rich beyond belief, people bow at my feet perfect...but I am exceedingly content and have found great joy in my life. My life is hectic and stressful more often than not, but I have a family that loves me unconditionally (because boy, I've sure tested those conditions over the years!), a wonderful husband whom was tailor-made just for me, and a position in ministry where my gifts and talents are stretched, utilized, and built upon daily. I wouldn't trade my life for the world...though an all-expense paid cruise to somewhere tropical wouldn't be that bad. Just kidding!
I find the world of social networking to be fascinating. Where else can you anonymously hide behind an identity to have the world view you in a different perspective as many do, reconnect with people you haven't seen or heard from in 20 years, or even commune with other members of the Body of Christ. (Caveat: While I do not support the ongoing movement for online churches, I do believe that the internet is a great connection for Christians to encourage, learn from, and fellowship with each other at a basic level. It is not a replacement for authentic relationships) I have also found the world of social networking to be an interesting place of contemplation and assurance of my place in this world. I look at some of the people in my life that I've been able to reconnect with--some have been wildly successful and are doing amazing things, others are just plugging along to the status quo, and others I'm not sure have had a sober day since high school graduation.
There are many times where I find my youth as a stumbling block in my daily life. It's not so much that I'm in a rush to grow up, but rather to live up to the myth that age brings experience...alas, we've discussed this before in conjunction with gender, so I digress. There's also those times where I have those moments that hit me and I say, "Wow, I'm a grown-up." We look back at our childhood and see those things that our parents did and couldn't imagine ourselves ever doing. It's a little surreal when you have those moments in life where you sit down with your spouse to annually review your life insurance coverage, sit down with lawyers to put together a will, make your wishes for the end of your life and the unexpected known, plan retirement savings, and start asking yourself the question, "If I do ____, what will be the long term effect?" I never imagined moments when I would be officiating a funeral, standing at the bedside with a family who just lost a loved one, or have the responsibility to meet the basic needs of a community within the resources we have been provided while spreading the absolute truth of Christ and the need for salvation. Mind-blowing. When you look at things from that point of view, it's pretty hard to argue in the existence of God and the necessity of a relationship with Him.
In conversations with my parents this week, I had occasion in each conversation to use the phrase, "I feel old." Yes, I do feel old--I'm exhausted, wrung out, and feel the great weight of various responsibilities on my shoulders. My mom's response to that statement was, "that's funny--because I don't!" Gee, thanks. My dad's response was, "Yeah, I know what you mean." Finally, a sympathizer.
So, as I embark on this 2nd day of my 29th year of life...I realize that I am that much the wiser from my life experiences, yet also in a position of great novice with a lifetime ahead of me of lessons to learn. Man, I feel old....it's time for a nap.
PS: I make an effort not to use specific names in my blog, as I don't even refer to my husband by name--but PLEASE take a moment to pray for retired Colonels Don & Jan Mowery and family, as well as Lt. Colonel Doug Danielson and his family, as these families have faced the unfathomable losses of loved ones this week. Thank you.
My birthday was pretty good--nice day, took a nap, spent some time with my husband, and got to pick out my present and spend money on what I often consider a needless waste of time, but have found its place in the world as I less often get quoted at being 18. (This is makeup we're talking about here) It's rather disconcerting that I wear makeup to appear more put together, thus "older" and I also use anti-aging eye cream to ride the black circles under my eyes to look more energetic, thus "younger."
Next month is my ten-year high school reunion. Needless to say, hubby and I will not be attending. While high school was the best and worst times of my existence, I have little desire to spend the money on overpriced tickets, drive 7-hours, pay hotel, make small talk with a room of people under the influence, waste furlough time, and remind myself of the worst parts of high school. I'll stick with remembering the good parts. Band.
If you had asked me as a high school sophomore what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say that I upon my retirement from the Blue Devils (a competitive drum and bugle corps for those not as well versed), I would be a high school band director.
Yeah...
Let's just say NOTHING that I ever imagined for my life to be has come to fruition EXCEPT for the fact that it's perfect. Not in the no stress, no worries, rich beyond belief, people bow at my feet perfect...but I am exceedingly content and have found great joy in my life. My life is hectic and stressful more often than not, but I have a family that loves me unconditionally (because boy, I've sure tested those conditions over the years!), a wonderful husband whom was tailor-made just for me, and a position in ministry where my gifts and talents are stretched, utilized, and built upon daily. I wouldn't trade my life for the world...though an all-expense paid cruise to somewhere tropical wouldn't be that bad. Just kidding!
I find the world of social networking to be fascinating. Where else can you anonymously hide behind an identity to have the world view you in a different perspective as many do, reconnect with people you haven't seen or heard from in 20 years, or even commune with other members of the Body of Christ. (Caveat: While I do not support the ongoing movement for online churches, I do believe that the internet is a great connection for Christians to encourage, learn from, and fellowship with each other at a basic level. It is not a replacement for authentic relationships) I have also found the world of social networking to be an interesting place of contemplation and assurance of my place in this world. I look at some of the people in my life that I've been able to reconnect with--some have been wildly successful and are doing amazing things, others are just plugging along to the status quo, and others I'm not sure have had a sober day since high school graduation.
There are many times where I find my youth as a stumbling block in my daily life. It's not so much that I'm in a rush to grow up, but rather to live up to the myth that age brings experience...alas, we've discussed this before in conjunction with gender, so I digress. There's also those times where I have those moments that hit me and I say, "Wow, I'm a grown-up." We look back at our childhood and see those things that our parents did and couldn't imagine ourselves ever doing. It's a little surreal when you have those moments in life where you sit down with your spouse to annually review your life insurance coverage, sit down with lawyers to put together a will, make your wishes for the end of your life and the unexpected known, plan retirement savings, and start asking yourself the question, "If I do ____, what will be the long term effect?" I never imagined moments when I would be officiating a funeral, standing at the bedside with a family who just lost a loved one, or have the responsibility to meet the basic needs of a community within the resources we have been provided while spreading the absolute truth of Christ and the need for salvation. Mind-blowing. When you look at things from that point of view, it's pretty hard to argue in the existence of God and the necessity of a relationship with Him.
In conversations with my parents this week, I had occasion in each conversation to use the phrase, "I feel old." Yes, I do feel old--I'm exhausted, wrung out, and feel the great weight of various responsibilities on my shoulders. My mom's response to that statement was, "that's funny--because I don't!" Gee, thanks. My dad's response was, "Yeah, I know what you mean." Finally, a sympathizer.
So, as I embark on this 2nd day of my 29th year of life...I realize that I am that much the wiser from my life experiences, yet also in a position of great novice with a lifetime ahead of me of lessons to learn. Man, I feel old....it's time for a nap.
PS: I make an effort not to use specific names in my blog, as I don't even refer to my husband by name--but PLEASE take a moment to pray for retired Colonels Don & Jan Mowery and family, as well as Lt. Colonel Doug Danielson and his family, as these families have faced the unfathomable losses of loved ones this week. Thank you.
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